2016, What Do You Have for Me?

Well, 2016 is finally here. Not that I was waiting for it, per se; more like I was waiting for the hell that was 2015 to end. Because so many things went wrong.

First off, health took a nosedive. Not mine, my parents’. Serious illness has dogged my father, although he manages to get better in between. But my mom; she’s a completely different story. She falls ill with things like dizziness, stomach aches, chest pains, itchy skin, and more besides. Each of these things are equally debilitating as a serious illness, but lack the convenient umbrella under which they can be grouped. Makes it harder to pinpoint, and almost impossible to cure. I can hardly remember a day when she didn’t feel at least once. It is heartbreaking.

Second, my family decided to implode. This is a painful subject for me. When something goes wrong between people you love, and it is all a horrible misunderstanding, you are left helpless. I tried and tried to get the relationship to mesh together again, but after all the tears and heartache, it is still only a poor facsimile of what was there before. It hurts me, but both parties will not yield in their own ways. I am so exhausted from dealing with righteous anger on both sides. I feel quite hopeless as a result.

Third, over the last year, my legal troubles have exploded. A case has been filed, and my lawyer estimates it will take over three years to sort out. This is in addition to trying to streamline other aspects like my grandparents’ inheritance, my aunt’s property, and my dearly beloved’s divorce case.

Fourth, work is slowly draining me dry. I have lost my ability to write creatively and fluidly, as I am slowly losing my sense of self. I feel like another cog in the machinery, after illogical decisions are made and bandied about.

I was hopeful about the new year, because primarily things had patched up a little within my family. But hectic schedules are taking me and my French student further apart, and so I feel desperately sad.

I lost a lot last year: my ability to be funny and happy. The glue that bound my family together. My conviction in a better tomorrow. All in all, the new year is just like the old one that has just finished. Bummer.


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