It has been 10 days since my last post, and that was a review, so not really a proper post at all. After the frenzy of posting that was September, I sort of fell out of the habit in October. Also, plenty of project deadlines were approaching and I need to buckle down to some serious work.
Other than paid content work, I’ve also started helping make my mom’s jewellery designs. I have some terrible photographs I took to send to my aunt, but they are really too awful to put up here. Each design is a complicated affair with multiple changes of thread, thanks to clear crystals, and complex patterns which draw on my completely forgotten school geometry skills.
But more than all of that: I needed silence.
I don’t know why the year is starting to take its toll on me now, but real fatigue has now set in. I deleted the Facebook and Twitter apps off my phone, so I only see notifications if I log into the sites on my laptop – which is rare. I deliberately swiped away all Whatsapp notifications as they appeared, and ended up staying away from it for about a couple of weeks. And more than all of that, I haven’t left the house in over a week.
It was marvellous. I listened to podcasts, happily plugged away with my work, and watched movies and TV shows by the bucketload. I didn’t read any books, which is awful, but I was too drained for the effort by the end of the day.
Today, I had to trek to the parlour, because I was looking unkempt to say the very least. I have a meeting tomorrow and the day after, and I have to look somewhat human, rather than primate. And because of the anxiety I was feeling about going out, I gave myself a stress headache in the morning.
India is not a quiet place, at least Mumbai most certainly isn’t. One is bombarded with sensations as soon as you step out the door. The smells, sights, and sounds are so violently physical, they assault those who are not used to it. And having emulated a hermit for the last so many days, I wasn’t used to it any more.
I actually was anxious about going out. Something so simple, something I did every day for years without a thought. My only attempt to protect myself from the assault was my earphones and podcasts playing on my phone.
I don’t know why or when or how I became a hermit. But that’s what I am now. The silence is amazing.