Conquering the Lapse

I am nothing if not rabidly completionist. I tend also to procrastinate a lot, and to allow myself to get into spirals. To counter these absurd tendencies, I overcompensate in the other extreme direction. Sigh. I am a basket case; it’s a fact. I suppose I am trying to get better at conquering my flaws, and it is really a journey.

So, this month started on an excellent note, in terms of exercise. [And otherwise too, and by now this should make me suspicious. Of course a few days in, I heard some interesting news and it threatened to send me into a spiral. However, that is something I will explore in a private post, as I am not really sure what I am thinking or feeling at present.] The first 9 days of the month, I managed to work out every day.

The 10th day however, three things happened to sever my rhythm and apply brakes:

1. My muscles were screaming in protest. There was a terrifying moment where I thought I had pulled muscles in my left thigh and my right shoulder blade.

2. I developed a horrendous sore throat, which I was praying would be the precursor to the flu, rather that septic tonsillitis yet again. [So far, it has matured into neither, and goes off during the day, only to return when I am sleeping. I am thoroughly mystified.]

3. My workout gear hadn’t dried on the clothes stand, courtesy the monsoons. 3 days, and the clothes were still sopping wet. I need exercise gear, because my body requires support. So that was a no-go totally.

After coming to the conclusion that exercise was out of the question, I settled in to a day of doing nothing. [Also known as catching up with emails, messages, etc.]

And then the next day, my throat was worse. My muscles weren’t better. And my clothes STILL weren’t dry. And the next day too.

I had skipped 3 days of exercise in a row. This was bad. This was breaking a habit. This was the END OF MY WORKOUTS FOREVER.

[Yes, I really am that dramatic.]

On a more serious note, it is my tendency to be completionist [I missed 3 days out of the month!] and perfectionist [I won’t have my full 31 days filled out!] that holds me back. I console myself with the thought that I get my perfect score the next week, month, or year. Thus far though? Of course that doesn’t work.

What I needed to do was to restart. I have not really had issues with starting, but with restarting after a lapse. And it is symptomatic about how much negativity I have about the break in my routine that I call it a ‘lapse’ instead of a necessary break.

But. Yesterday? I started again. Today, I continued. Tomorrow, I will continue some more.

I have conquered the lapse. It no longer derails me.


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